some-one recently sent me an email and i accidentally deleted it, sorry.
pls re-send so as i may personally answer your questions and concerns.
thanks
nic
xox

putting the pieces back together and giving thanks

well, it sure has been a long time since i spoke to you all.
A lot has happened and it's high time i shared with you all the progress.
Thank you for all the beautiful emails and the concern shown as it had been quite sometime since i was in contact.
4th July was my birthday and the weeks proceeding that i felt like i was slowly falling to pieces. All women my age have a "where in my life am i, have i achieved what i wanted too by this age, am i happy where i am now at this age, is this where i want to be? and given my current situation i was thinking will i be around to see my next birthday" etc and so forth.
Don't get me wrong, i am not old by any terms, 37 is neither here nor there frankly. But i seemed to have fallen into a black hole for a period.
I wouldn't call it depression nor would i call it 'mid life' crisis but i certainly wasn't being my usual positive 'happy go lucky' self. i cried a lot and really quite frankly just couldn't be bothered.
I am not sure if the circumstances or the treatments or just my hormones raging out of control but i found it very difficult to get through each day, so how was i to get through my birthday....
I am very well known for throwing very decadent, generous large birthday parties each year but this year all i wanted to do was hide from the world. People kept emiling and calling asking if they should be boking flights etc but i had to sadly tell them i had no enthusiasm or energy to do anything.
the night before my birthday i called a few friends to join me for dinner and drinks (they could drink, i would watch ha ha ) a few people came and we had a wonderful time. the actual day was filled with the love of friends - my closest girlfriends threw an intimate dinner for me, where we talked of old times and of future things to come. I felt truly blessed for the support they show me and want them to know i love them all very much and feel sincere deep gratitude for them still standing strong through my very emotional roller coaster of a life ;-)
Needless to say, it was all woman..... where are the men whe you need them most.... ha ha.
Dr Chang has put me on a hormone patch, which seems to be keeping the emotions in a more stable condition - yes, finally! and so far so good. (i just got to remember to change it twice a week!)
Unfortunately, when doing dentritic cell treatments it can exaggerate anything that are in the system and in my case i so far have experienced an infection in my face twice, severe acne and what i thought was a heart attack! (later i was told it was a viral infection "devils grip" in my chest and thankfully since have not had any pains, so probably nothing to do with the treatment...)
My last session with Dr Chang + Dr Nessulhut, in New York on 15th July went very smoothly. After getting my jabs, i then headed back to the hotel and slept all night and felt very rested the next day. I had family in town this time, so we stayed on in NYC and did ALL the touristy things! I felt energized and positive through out and really felt this time things were better than before in a lot of aspects.
Words Dr Chang said have lingered on in my thoughts and they really empowered me and made me think. he said "we are not here to extend your life, we are here to give you quality in your life. How can we claim to extend your life if you get accidentally knocked over by a car. We aim to help you live a better life" or words to that effect.... ;-) it was odd, but it was like a light bulb going off in my head and i started to see all the things i need to do to shift my life in the direction i wanted it to go. i know i sound like I've gone a little crazy but preaching to you all that the brain is the biggest muscle and we must use it to heal our body but then not actually practicing that myself.... well, not truly. I feel it is now time to look up and see the sunshine. To try ignore the pain, think positive healthy thoughts of the future and envision myself healthy, happy and living abundantly. i started that very night and have continued since.
I know that each night before i sleep, i tell my daughter how much i love her. While brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed, I look in the mirror and tell myself how much i love that person also. And, as much as i can, when i feel it, i tell my friends i love them too, as showing how much you care can heal a person, in far more ways than you'll ever know or understand.
Being on my own during all this was the hardest, but really, all this love from friends shows me that i'm not really on my own. I have been blessed to have Stu + Chen hold my hand most of the way, thank you. It has brought my family closer, Alex + jen i thank you. And my daughters 'God Parents' Yvonne+Steven, who have looked after my daughter while i was doing my monthly jaunts, thank you. and to all others who wrote me notes and kept in touch although i was never around, thank you.
Maybe the past 7 months have woken me up, maybe i am just having 'a good month' but i know that finally, i am starting to look into the future, and finally, i feel i can start making some plans.
I know that the first few times i did the dentric cell injections i was in chronic pain the evening of receiving it, cramping in the womb and doubled over in pain, yet now, it doesn't seem to effect me with such voracity. Maybe all this 'healthy living' of no alcohol, meat or dairy has also helped. As well as trying all the 'alternative' medicines at the same time. i still take my arcoxia for pain, thymosin 2x weekly, MF3 daily as well as doing a 'parasite cleanse' a detox and over dosing in Vitamin C ;-)
I know for sure the Thymosin seems to help me feel more energised, along with my daily dose of 'winter worm summer grass'.
It has been agreed i will return to New York next on 16th September, giving me a break in August, then again 16th December giving a further break inbetween.
we are hoping by December, it will be plain sailing after that, and i will only need "maintenance" shots there after quarterly to ensure the cancer never returns. *fingers crossed*.
Dr Chan, Dr Chang and Dr Nesselhut have been amazing and i will forever be eternally grateful.
well, that's it for now.
pls continue to email me nick1000@hotmail.com if you've any questions.
sending love your way!
nic
xox

ok, so i'm not very good at this blogging thing. It would seem i'm suppose to write AT LEAST once a week, but really, people, my life isnt THAT lively that there would be much to write about ;-)
I sleep alot, have good and bad days *like most people* and try get through every day whether it is thrown at me or gently gliding by.
My last NYC went swiftly and almost seems like so so so long ago already.
Young Nesselhut was there with Dr Chang and they were their usual wonderful bubbly positive selves and charming as ever. Dr Chang distracted me with stories of Disneyland (as explained i was going there with my daughter in a few weeks) and he swiftly administered the needles accordingly. This time, both were done in quick succession after each other.
After which, my friend Stu (who accompanied me on the trip) made sure i was tucked up safely back in my hotel, there after i feel asleep watching tv and awoke the next day feeling ok.
I stayed on in NYC for a few more days ensuring there was no ill side effects and that i could function as normal *whatever 'normal' is suppose to be these days ha ha!*

We then jetted off to Los Angeles (where Stuarts partner Chen joined us) and the three of us went to play in Vegas for a few days! FUN FUN FUN. but no, i did not win, nor *pick up* or score or any other term of good fortune you name ha ha but did see Bette Midler "the Show girl must go on" performance, highly recommended.
I'm now in Los Angeles and hanging out in California for a few weeks, debating what / where to be until my next visit to NYC. With the Swine flu being pandemic it does concern me and my travel plans as i am suppose to fly back to Singapore before my next NYC trip, though i am now seriously re-considering this and weighing in other options.
As my daughter is on school holidays, there is no rush for us to be home, hence our open plans.
Regarding future visits to Dr Chang clinic.
as advised by Dr Chang i will be going for next session 15thJuly, there after August, October, January, April and every 3 months there after until further notice.
I will try keep you abreast of all my movements ;-)

signing off for now.
wishing you safe travels and good health!
xox

well, it's been 3 weeks since my last post and here i am, back, once again, in New York.

I am going to see Dr Chang tomorrow 5pm for round 4.

I think i maybe more nervous than i realise as i cant sleep and am awake in the middle of the night - may also be a touch of jet-lag ;-)

Stuart, the sweetie he is, is once again accompanying me to the Dr and playing nurse on my recovery after - each time i have a different reaction, so time will tell how this one goes.

We have made plans to meet Stuarts partner Chen in a few days after Dr appointment, so as to have a short excursion away to relax and unwind (tentative Vegas, yee ha!) soooo looking forward to this little distraction as i feel it will absorb me away from focusing too much on this vaccine. i will write and let you know how all is going and the immediate effects after.

btw, this month has been remarkably good, and i am still sticking to my NO caffeine, meat, dairy, alcohol, diet and am feeling remarkable well from it. I eat / drink as much organic as possible and am also still taking 'winter worm summer grass' supplements which gives me great energy ;-)

am being positive and trying to do gentle exercise each day.

it is with sadness that i would like to especially send a hug to all of those who lost friends / family members this month, i can really feel your pain and send you a very big warm hug. Thank you for sharing and please know that i am always here to listen.

wishing you all good health!

big big big hugs

LOVE YOU!

nic

xox

 

ME, Dr Nesselhut (behind) Dr Chang (on right)

(Dr Chang with syringe in hand, me nervously smiling ha ha)

Dr Changs clinic

clinic and address - in New York


"Immunotherapy may be one of the only ways left to deal with cancer. We’ve gone as far as we can with chemotherapy," says oncologist Herman Kattlove, an editor for the American Cancer Society. With few new drugs coming out, he says, "chemotherapy is sort of a dead area..." With dendritic cells, "what convinced me is that we saw responses," says Dr. Levy (Stanford University). -- New Weapon in Cancer War. The Wall Street Journal, May 23, 2003: B1.

round3- 3rd time lucky ;-)

I know it has been a while and a few have asked how things went. I would like to apologise for the delay in writing but as the expression goes "no news, is good news" ;-)
The third session seems to have worked a charm - after initial hesitation.
I arrived in NYC, settled in to my hotel a day before my session, and had a nice relaxing time channel surfing the 100+ TV channels and ordering the organic yummy foods through room service (I love the USA for this! they know all about the extremities - fast food + overzealous health food, all delivered by a quick phone call!)
April 22nd @ 5pm, my friend Steph escorted me to the Meridian Medical Clinic, where a warm friendly receptionist greeted me, and where I patiently waited my turn to see Dr Chang.
There are a quite a few of us doing Dentriatic cell vaccine at the same time, so seems the Drs were busy that day!
I was wonderfully welcomed by Dr Nesselhut (who brought the cells over from Germany) and Dr Chang (who administered them) it was like greeting two old friends again ;-)
Dr Chang administers the injections slightly differently, after the first injection (remember, there are two each time) he then paused and waited for a few minutes (felt like 10mins but waiting for needles always drags on... was probably only 3mins....ha ha) we chatted, and then he administered the second injection. All smoothly and swiftly. Thereafter, I then settled the bill and left back to my hotel.
I felt light headed a few hours later so took painkillers and a sleeping pill and slept right through to the next morning, where upon I woke feeling refreshed and fine!
I was actually amased at how good I felt as the previous two vaccines I had been feeling feverish, weak +ill for a few days after...it felt like a very bad case of flu. I resolved myself to the fact it was the vaccine working ;-)
Therefore, this time, the next day, I got up and decided to go and do some sightseeing - how to be in New York and not be a tourist! ;-)
I did the 'open bus' tour one day and a helicopter tour the next day (HIGHLY recommended!)
There was only one thing I had a concern about, I cried ALL the time. The slightest thing would set me off and I would be weepy. I felt really silly by e second day so contacted Dr Chang regarding it.
He claims it was not a symptom of the vaccine so it was either one of two things - hormonal (I had stopped taking HRT a month prior to starting this) or I was suffering depression, or both!
During these last few months, I have been looking hard into my persona, seeking answers deep into my soul and trying to find out the core root of all these things. I believe in the fact that our mind controls our body and that we have to have a strong healthy mind to heal the rest of our being. I also believe our body can manifest ailments that are unresolved issues.
I certainly have been peeling back the layers and facing truths + facts that I had hidden so deep down that even I was scared to face them. I claim I have ‘forgiven’ but as I had not forgotten them but instead just pushed them further away deep inside, I had not really resolved them. Since, acknowledging this, I have stopped crying but now seem to have a slight twitch in my eye. I know this is just from the nerves of coming to reality of what was, and finding a way to let go and live what is.
(Yes, I know, all very ‘heavy’. I will not bore nor shock you with any of it but needless to say, I will come to terms with it somehow and will venture forward)
On a positive note, I feel grateful to be blessed for the life I have today - I live each day in abundance, am showered in the radiance of love by my daughter and friends, and give thanks for the life I get to lead.
I am not a victim of my past but a maker of my own destiny!

I have arrived back to Singapore in great spirits and feel more positive and energetic than I’ve felt in quite a while.
Is it third time a charm? ;-)
I have not confirmed with the Dr's how many more I have to go through – am I half way there? (Tentatively we talked about 4-6 sessions but still unconfirmed) All I know is, I am beginning to feel optimistic about my future.
Once again, thank you Dr Nesselhut and Dr Chang for aiding me on this path!

On an alternative note –
Unfortunately, due to the Swine Flu epidemic I have cancelled my trip to the Gerson Institute in Mexico, for obvious reasons of the location ;-( I am trying to live my life the Gerson way as much as possible i.e. organic organic organic - lots of juices, vegetarian foods, no processed products etc. Nevertheless, I would like to actually go to the Gerson Institute when it becomes viable.
BTW, quick plug to a wonderful company here in Singapore that distributes the organic juices (Gerson believe if the fruits+veg are not juiced correctly you lose most of the nutrients. This company follows the Gerson juicing technique and distributes them accordingly) www.wildbunchandcompany.com

In addition, I wanted to briefly talk about the current stock exchange listing of "Dendreon"
(in answer to some questions)
in 'layman' terms - i.e. 'nicki talk' the Dendreon drug listed on the stock exchange last month is not released for the public use yet, they are raising capital to manufacture it, nor is it the same drug as what I am using.
Dendreon, is a 'one drug fits all' type of cancer vaccine, where as the Dendritic cell 'vaccine' I am currently undergoing is specifically 'tailor made' for each patients cancer type.
The current vaccine I am utilising is very time consuming to manufacture as Dr Nesselhut personally tailors the cells accordingly to each patient and cancer type as well as personally over sees each administration.
*pls note, I am NOT a doctor, nor scientist, so if I have miss-quoted pls email me, or leave a note here if it is different to this. Alternatively contact Dr Chang in New York or Dr Nesselhut in Europe for more info*

Hope this covers everything asked ;-)

I am feeling positive and welcoming with open arms all those wonderful vibes being sent this way!
Moreover, i am sending loving vibrations out your way too!
*feel the vibe* he he

Hugs and speak to you again soon
Nic

xox

apologies.....

I just wanted to log in to say hi and give you an update of what has been going on. After a wonderfully relaxing week in Phuket, unfortunately, I returned to Singapore to suffer an abscess in my cheek and it made my whole side of my face swell. I felt like 'elephant woman'! It coincided with my planned Hong Kong trip so as soon as I landed off the plane I fled to the Dr. He drained as much as he could - I was told to fully drain I would have to be put under General Anaesthesia and it was not worth the risk. Now I'm on a course of antibiotics so as the infection doesn't get worse and crossing fingers + toes that it gets better soon. (I'm also sky high on painkillers...)
I think my vanity gets the better of me sometimes and I have taken to hiding till the swelling has completely gone (Dr's estimate approx one week or so...) however i did venture to meet some girlfriends today whom I want to say a BIG thank you to, for keeping my mood elevated and spirits up. I want to apologise for my mood swings of late- I think its cause my body is in over drive to fight this infection, in turn draining my energy. sorry sorry sorry to those whose heads I’ve chewed off *oops*
I also wish to apologise for not seeing friends on my brief visit to HK also but as you now know it was mostly spend with Drs...
On a lighter note.......I am very optimistic of my upcoming trip on Monday to New York ;-)
If there is any one else around I could do with the company (and perhaps some sightseeing)
No bars or club hoping though!!!
My appointment with Dr Chang is Tuesday 22nd April and I am looking forward to seeing him and meeting his team. This journey to New York will be a positive and fruitful adventure ;-)One I am positive about.
Well, that is all for now my dears.
As always, I am sending you all hugs and welcoming in those positive vibes
Love and kisses
Nic
xox